People tend to say that teenagers straddle childhood and adulthood. I definitely felt like that when I was a teenager: stuck between the responsibilties of growing older and the constraints of being young.
I’m in a similar boat in my twenties. I feel pressure to do “adult” things like make awkward small talk with strangers in elevators and build a nest egg. However, I also have the inclination to renege on responsibilities like cleaning the stovetop or scheduling an annual checkup.
Acting on my childish whim, in poor taste
I often question whether I’m appearing too childish and feel immense imposter syndrome due to my age. This happened today when I booked a flight back from my parents’ home to Austin (in which I own my own place — perhaps the most adult thing I’ve done to date) on December 26, the day after Christmas.
I just arrived at my parents’ home last night, and I know my family was hoping I’d stay home longer than a week. However, I’ve decided that I’d rather spend my week off of work relaxing in my condo with my dog and playing Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion on my new computer.
Immediately after booking my flight, I felt pangs of guilt.
I’m being selfish.
I think my mom will be upset at me.
Am I really going back to Austin early to roleplay as a turnip?
Or maybe it’s a grown-up decision?
My therapist has taught me that part of being an adult is owning your decisions.
So yes, my mom might not be too happy about my decision to fly back to Austin. I own that.
But despite my mom’s potential anger, I’ll relish in my time off work at home. I’m excited to do things I actually want to do.
Mostly, I’m happy that I’m getting a better sense of what I want, not just abiding by my parents’ expectations. It’s the feeling when turbulence suddenly subsides as a plane rises above the clouds. Stability and calm. Light and clarity.
Because, in the end, who’s to say if I’m making an adult decision or not? And who cares?
Root vegetables
I asked my friends what my blog post should be about today. My friend suggested writing about root vegetables, and I told him that I had no idea what I’d write about root vegetables and promptly dismissed his suggestion.
Unintentionally, I wrote about a game featuring a turnip, which happens to be a root vegetable. Thanks for the suggestion, Elliot.